brokaw22

12:11 am: Cat food...no seriously
Okay, so a couple nights ago my house exploded in screaming and yelling and everyone was driven from the house in under five minutes due to a massive fight about...wait for it...yes, that's right...cat food. My grandfather started screaming and swearing and throwing a fit because someone, who wasn't him, fed the cat--the cat which isn't even his, may I add. The next night he claimed that this fight happened because his blood sugar was low, and okay, yeah, I can almost believe that. Except for that whole bit where he's nuts and this is just totally like him. All I know is that I'm staying out of crazy's way for a couple of days.

Sadly, due to the fact that I've been avoiding him like the plague my nanowrimo has taken a backseat. I ended up falling like 3000 words behind, but tonight, despite the fact that my mother was over here tonight--which is never a good thing for my writing--I managed to catch up, so I'm happy about that.

This week in general has just been a crap week, but then again weeks that start with you locking yourself out of your bedroom, and having to use a butter knife to get back in kinda just set a standard for the rest of the week to suck.

I'm going over my dad's house for Thanksgiving, so here's hoping that it's quiet and uneventful...like that one year.

Tags: grandpap woes, nanowrimo, writing

10:40 pm: Today is ugh
Today has just been a day of hardcore suck-age. It started with my bedroom door, somehow, locking me out, and it's just been one thing after another all day. I got the door opened with a butter knife, but that's beside the point. I went out with my sister today and we were having a good time until she got a phone call that upset her, and she can never just get upset at the thing that upset her and then move on. Once she gets into a bad mood she stays in that bad mood and takes it out on everyone else around her. My grandfather has been...well, himself. Not to mention that for some reason that I have yet to discern my mother is here.

She called earlier when we were out to whine, and I quickly made an excuse to get off the phone, so apparently she thought it would be a good idea to show up her. Her presence alone makes this day considerably worse. I don't understand why she's here. She whines that we don't want to spend time with her, which we don't. She comes over, and we avoid her, and then she whines more. I have this theory that if you're in a place full of people who don't like you and you can easily leave and stop going to said place then you should do so. I'm so sick of listening to her whining. I don't care that we hurt her feelings. Maybe she should have thought about that before.

Maybe on a day where everything doesn't seem like just one more thing to add to my list of reasons why I wish I never got out of bed I'd feel differently, but I doubt it. I'm just so sick of everything right now.

08:48 pm: You Will Be Assimilated!
Leave me a comment saying "Resistance is Futile."

• I'll respond by asking you five questions so I can satisfy my curiosity
• Update your journal with the answers to the questions
• Include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions

From dragonbat2006:

( Answers )

04:00 am: The beginning
I started my nanowrimo at like 1am. I've already surpassed my word count for today, so I'm off to a good start. I really like how this is shaping up so far. Let's hope I can keep it up for the whole month. Good luck to everyone else who is participating this year!

Tags: nanowrimo, writing

05:21 pm: Bad Idea!
So, because we were getting new carpets in today my room was empty starting yesterday, which meant I had nowhere to sleep. My solution to this dilemma was to just not go to sleep. BAD CHOICE! I literally stayed up all night. I got to watch the sun rise...kinda pretty...but that didn't really make up for the sleep deprivation. See, the original plan was to be up and gone before the lovely instillation started, therefore, I could have just slept in the car--it's not like I'm the driver. Unfortunately, that didn't pan out. They showed up almost an hour early, so I ended up going upstairs to my sister's room, climbing into a chair, and sleeping for two hours--or at least tried to. Between the noise they were making and my sister's phone ringing endlessly I got maybe two hours of sleep (that counts the entire time from when I laid down to when I finally gave up).

I know what you're thinking. 'Okay, so, why aren't you sleeping now?' Well, that's simple in order to get through the day without killing someone I got to enjoy quite a bit of caffeine. Plus, my room still has nothing in it...well, that's not entirely true...it does have carpet. *SIGHS* 

06:02 pm: I'm excited
So, I have an outline type thing for my nanowrimo, which is really exciting because I never have anything close to that. In fact, last year I started with a single line and that was it. I can't wait. I'm really anticipating a good nanowrimo.

Tags: nanowrimo, writing

11:48 pm: Idea well is dry
Nanowrimo is approaching, and I have no idea what to write. Any suggestions? I'm good with people just putting anything out there.

Tags: nanowrimo, writing

09:30 pm: It's all irrelevant
I miss the silence. I miss when it was just my siblings and I doing our thing, and getting by. I miss when the only fights were about Jenn helping out more. I miss when I slept decently. I miss when everything was simpler. I miss when everything worked.

We got by. We survived. We weren't happy. We're never happy, but we weren't completely miserable. Things were okay. I mean, really okay. We were doing FINE!

And then he moved in and everything went to sucking far worse than any of us have the capacity to handle. He starts fights, and then acts like he doesn't understand what he did wrong. He talks excessively about NOTHING. Every sentence...every word...every syllable out of his mouth is irrelevant. Not a single phrase uttered from his mouth is about anything but himself. And to top it all off, the man is stupid. He thinks that he's acting logical, but he's not. There isn't a single thought process going on up there. I'm sure of it. He's just so...incompetent. I don't know how he's survived this long.

I'm getting really fed up with the stupidity, the ridiculous notion that I'm supposed to give a damn because he's...whatever he is, and his inability to just SHUT UP!

Tags: grandpap woes

07:06 pm: Yay more crap to deal with
Okay, I don't think anyone who knows me would mistake me for being close with my dad. I mean, I certainly don't hate the guy. I just...don't have a relationship with him. We're like well known acquaintances. Our feelings for each other really don't go any deeper than that.

That being said, lately he's been having memory problems, and that isn't good. Yes, you can say people forget things some times, and it's no big deal, but earlier this week he called his girlfriend, and told her, "I can't fix anything because I don't remember how." This is his job...the thing he's been doing ALL of his adult life. He was forced to take a personal day on Monday.

Not to mention, his memory (when it comes to things he cares about) is amazing. Last year my sister got lost in Canada. She called my dad, and he gave her street by street directions from memory. The last time I called him about directions to something he lived by he couldn't remember any street names or anything.

This worries me, and not just because of the obvious. My grandfather (his dad) died of Alzheimer's. We took care of him well past the point we should have--all the way into the incontinence and not being able to feed himself stage. He didn't move to a home where there were people who could take care of him right until he had a stroke, and spent the last remaining months of his life completely unaware of what was going on around him, until he died of sepsis.

I know that this could be nothing. It could be that he's not sleeping, or he's stressed and its affecting his memory, but that really doesn't make me feel any better about this--for a lot of reasons--but mainly because memory problems exist on both sides of my family. In a lot of ways.

My mom has been slowly losing it for a while now. She doesn't sleep right, she's always stressed, and she doesn't eat well. She was in a car accident about a year ago, and her existing memory problems and forgetfulness has gotten so much worse. Her judgment skills (if she ever had any) have depleted considerably. She calls me to tell me when she has appointments or whatever because she can't remember and can't handle getting herself there. This wouldn't really be a problem if we lived together, but I don't even know how she's functioning from day to day.

Then there's the fact that her mother also had Alzheimer's, and her dad is just plain nuts. He does incredibly crazy things. The latest of which was getting on a bus to Maryland yesterday (four hour trip) without telling anyone, then just calling my uncle to pick him up at the greyhound station. He was extremely lucky that my uncle was even home. 

My dad's mom also had dementia and was kinda not all there when she finally died of stomach cancer.

I don't want to take care of my parents. I don't feel I still have the mental capacity to deal with my parents...not anymore. I don't want to go through what my siblings and I had to with my grandparents. I just don't think any of us can keep our sanity if we do.

I'm also worried about my siblings and myself. My grandparents weren't affected until they were in their 70's, but my dad's only 51. What if it affects us earlier? I know they're coming out with new drugs all the time, and all of that crap, but I don't want to lose my mind. My mind is really all I've got, and I'm not trying to be melodramatic here, just realistic.

11:18 pm: Mp3 player woes
So, it's still under the warranty...yay. However, I have to mail the damn thing to them. That really doesn't sound like it should be a big deal, but I know my post office. The sheer fact that the shipping label is bigger than the thing I'm trying to ship will probably be a problem.

01:23 am: UGH!
I'm so mad about my Zune mp3 player just deciding the touch pad wasn't going to work anymore. If you were ever planning on buying a Zune DON"T! I can't believe Microsoft would put a product on the market that is so riddled with bugs.

02:34 am: The oddest message ever

Subject: Hey dude
 
I just wanted to commend you on your writing. I think you're a really cool
writer and you capture the bond between Dick and Tim pretty neatly. Anyway,
I'm working on my first Batman fic. If you're curious to see what the ideas
are, it's on my profile. Plaese tell me what you think, help out a fellow
fanfirl. :D Thank you.

That would not be nearly as odd if it wasn't the second one I've gotten like that. Makes me want to inform people there are better writers out there.

07:25 pm: Oh China
http://www.weirdasianews.com/2009/09/20/chinese-butter-bridge-hinders-jumpers/

I want to talk to the person who came up with that idea...really now.

Tags: funlinks

12:04 pm: Why was he put on this earth?
Ugh, why was my grandfather not given an actually functioning brain. No, I'm not going to wake up my siblings because you decided that something that doesn't need to be done right this second does. "Well, I want to get rid of as many of these coats as we can." "Okay, so you want to get rid of our winter coats right before winter." "Well, you aren't wearing them." "That's because it isn't cold." "Well, if you aren't wearing them then there's no point in having them." "But I will be wearing them when it gets cold." "But you're not wearing them now."

And to top of the crazy I walked away. I put on my headphones and just walked away, and he was still yelling. I was in the living room he was upstairs and he was still talking/yelling to himself.

He wonders why we avoid him like the fucking plague. The moment any of us sees him he starts acting like an immature asshole. "None of you are ever around. You spend all day in your rooms." DUH! Why would I willingly spend time with someone who makes me so incredibly miserable. No one likes him...hell, his mother didn't even like him, and this isn't some big shock either.

Here's a thought, instead of bitching about the fact that none of us are ever around make an attempt to be nicer and see if that changes things. 78 years...how the hell did he make it 78 years without someone smacking his head against something hard repeatedly? He's such a miserable old bastard! And I'll admit I'm a miserable bitch, but I usually keep it contained to just making myself more miserable. I don't take it out on everyone else that I suck at life. I'm so frustrated with living right now.

Tags: grandpap woes

04:58 pm: Bored
http://brokaw22.mybrute.com


Tags: funlinks, mybrute

01:10 am: This just in...
My grandfather told my younger sister that I'm mean and miserable because I won't let him in my room, and I won't let him wash down my walls. He keeps missing the point that if he washes my walls down with bleach--like he plans--I will have an asthma attack, and I REALLY don't want to play hospital. I just don't consider that a good time.

Besides, he has an entire house he can go crazy OCD bleach happy cleaning on. Why is it such a horrible travesty to leave my room alone? Yes, it's nice I'm getting a new carpet, and my floor is FINALLY getting fixed, but it really isn't worth the pain and agony that I have to go through. I'm just so tired of dealing with this.

Tags: grandpap woes

03:04 pm: Heavy lifting part 2 (also known as: kill me!)
Lifting ridiculously heavy furniture...fine. Lifting ridiculously heavy furniture while my grandfather stands over me making me want to drop said heavy object on top of him...not so fine. He wasn't actually helping. He wasn't actually doing anything other than make my life more difficult. I don't understand his crazy need to know everything that I'm doing. I went out yesterday, and you'd think I committed a crime or something.

Today, I told him not to worry about cleaning my walls. I told him that I would do it myself, and he threw a fit. You'd think I punched him in the face or something. Dear fucking god! I swear, I will never understand the stupidity that I live with. He's upset because I don't want his help, but that's just because his help isn't really help at all. Cutting my own foot off would be more productive and less painful than having his 'help'.

I moved my desk--and while it wasn't nearly as heavy as that piano--it was still no light weight. I moved the big heavy ridiculous metal cabinet thing--that totally didn't need to be as heavy as it was--and everyone involved in that move got it dropped on their foot. Totally, not my fault, but I still feel bad for Jenn, Charlie, my own foot. I also moved the damn square table, which was light, but totally awkward. And what the hell? Why did the stupid square table only fit in my room, and my brother's room? I got it out of my room with little to no problem, after that everything sucked. The original plan was to take it up to the attic until after the carpet was put in, but it wouldn't fit through the doorway, so I was going to put it in the office, but it didn't fit through that doorway either. And then it barely fit through my brother's doorway. Really, it's just more reason why I hate this house.

Tags: grandpap woes

11:49 am: Piano woes
Yesterday, I had the 'pleasure' of moving a large heavy piano, and in the process I crushed my hand. Well, to be fair, the piano crushed my hand. Anyway, it's swollen, and bruised, and hurts. Go me.

Oh, and while I was with my dad moving said big heavy hand crushing object my room got turned into a barren 'where the hell is all my shit' land. Gotta love the people I live with...or something.

Tags: grandpap woes

05:10 pm: Lesson 367: Find a way out, and take it...no matter what
My mom called, and asked if I wanted to hang out or whatever. I was making dinner, and generally I'm not stupid enough to say yes to that, so I politely declined, and any other day that would have been the end of it. Today? Today I should have known better. I should have just finished cutting the vegetables, put the roast back in the refrigerator, and gotten ready to leave. To be honest, nothing out of the unexpected happened, but that's just because I normally expect my siblings to break out into fights, and my grandfather to be an ass.

I don't understand what is so hard about stay the fuck away from my room. He's going on and on about how he wants to clean every inch of it with bleach. Let's just skip over the fact that if he does that I will have an asthma attack and die, and go straight to bitch...my room...fuck off.  "Well, you need to get that carpet out of there." Not really, but fine. That doesn't mean you need to be involved in this process. "Well, I'm offering to clean it for you." No, you're offering to have a free pass to go through my stuff. So, fuck off.

Tags: grandpap woes

11:20 pm: Proof my brother is too nice
He bought Jenn a car. Why? Because he has to go to these food safety classes for work, and he can't take a bus there, and he doesn't trust my parents to get him there. So, we'll have a car by tomorrow. Cool...weird...but cool.

12:02 am: You know you hate where you live when...
Tomorrow my dad is picking me up at 10:30am and I'm going with him to Ohio to pick up his girlfriend's parents. I've only met his girlfriend three times. I don't even know if her parents know if he has kids. He told me that he told 'everyone' I was coming with him. Really, it's just sad that this is what I'm willing to go through in order not to be here.

06:07 pm: Couple of Things
First I need to know if it's wrong to get defensive when your reading the comments to SOMEONE ELSE'S work. Second, why when I'm reading said comments do I have this overwhelming sense that no one checks what they are writing before they hit the reply button? Third, why is my next thought after reading those comments 'the human race is doomed'?

06:40 pm: Can we just cut the bullshit?
I'm so sick of all of the adults in my life acting like children. The moment you disagree with one of them, or add logic to their little plans they throw a tantrum. My uncle called today. We all know he's only calling to talk to my grandfather, and we all know it's only because my grandfather threatened to kick him out of the will, so why is it necessary for him to even talk to me? I know the useless pleasantries and bullshit make him feel like he's actually doing something, but it's just a waste of time, air, and energy. I don't need him telling me what little schemes he has, or whatever.

I'm sorry that him trying to sell my sister a car that really only has a year or two, at best, left in it is a waste of everyones time and money. I'm also sorry that he seems to have a problem with the fact that I don't have any reason not to cut straight to the chase and tell him it's a was of time. How dare he throw a fit with me on the phone because I happen to be more intelligent than that. I'm sorry, but if he wishes to take advantage of the fact that my parents suck he's going to have to try just a little harder. At some point he needs to realize I didn't fall for his crap when I was five I'm certainly not going to now, and I'm done humoring him and everyone else in my life. Yes, I know I'm a bitch, but if being a bitch means not dealing with this shit anymore I'm completely okay with that.

09:54 pm: Cookie cake...success
My sister wanted a cookie cake for her birthday, my brother hates Giant Eagle cookie cook, and me? Well, I just like a challenge. Actually, I didn't really have a choice in the matter. I was handed the ingredients and told to 'figure it out... you'll probably have to add an extra egg to make it more cake-like'. Truth was, there was a lot more to it than that, but the end result was cookie-like-cake, so I'm calling it a success.

Now here comes the hard part...keeping my siblings from eating it before the party tomorrow. Speaking of which...maybe I should just decorate tonight and save myself the trouble.

Tags: baking

09:35 pm: Awesome
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MeiwLLZjDo&feature=player_embedded

Really there's not much more to say about that.

Tags: funlinks

05:54 pm: Blueberry Muffins and Writing
So yesterday I wrote something for this contest thing Tammy sent me, and oddly enough I didn't hate it. That isn't to say I liked it, but the piece had potential. If it wasn't for that damn 1000 word cut off point...

Anyway, today I made blueberry muffins from scratch, and even I'm a little impressed with how they turned out. Now, I still have 1 and 1/2 bags of blueberries to do something with. One bag is like 4 cups of blueberries if that means anything to anyone, so...suggestions? Anyone? Ellen, I'm looking at you, and suggesting pie is just lame.

Tags: baking

05:42 pm: My grandfather...
He's nuts...not that I needed more proof of that or anything, but the man really and truly spent about an hour just screaming at me about the fact that we lived with him for 11 months when I was two years old. Then he started going into how we moved in here and what not. Um, I think I missed the part where I was actually aware of conscious thought about that decision or you know a factor in said choice. And then he decided he was going to try to make me feel bad about how often my siblings and I spent time in the hospital or something, but he seems to miss the part where I wasn't in the hospital as much as my siblings and I was too young to care then...not to mention I certainly don't care now. Then I got to listen to him whine about how five of us was an error on my parents part or something...to which I responded 'I didn't ask to be born and I'd be quite content if I never was." After that he walked away, and sulked for awhile. Sorry, reactions just aren't something I'm good at.

Tags: grandpap woes

05:30 pm: Bubble wrap = awesomeness
http://www.fast-pack.com/images/bwapp/bwfrog.jpg

http://www.fast-pack.com/images/bwapp/bwelephant.jpg

Not that I'm complaining or anything...I mean those are pretty awesome ways to use bubble wrap, but why?

Tags: funlinks

05:51 pm: Everything lies...including my mp3 player
So my mp3 player keeps telling me it's charging when it's not. How do I know it's not? Because it's not plugged into anything, so unless it's charging through osmosis I really don't see how that works. I mean not a big deal, just weird.

04:14 pm: Damn!
Okay, so I'm willing to send a gold star to anyone who can explain this madness. Why did my grandfather decide he is taking one book off MY bookshelf a day and throwing it out? It's not his bookshelf, they aren't his books, and is it really that unsightly to have BOOKS on a BOOKSHELF? What the hell is his problem? I'm getting ready to damn the consequences, and tell him off. It's getting ridiculous. He may own the house, but he does not own us. I guess I should just be thankful that while he makes me miserable I can get away from him...he'll never be able to get away from himself.

Tags: grandpap woes