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Fic: Can't Go Home Again

Title: Can't Go Home Again
Disclaimer: The norms
Rating: T
Story Synopsis: Tim has made his choice and he knows there's no going back now. (Tumblr Made-up Title Prompt)

It’s something that has been a long time coming, but knowing that doesn’t change the pain that Tim feels as he walks away. Unfortunately, he knew his place here was tentative at best, and now more than ever it’s clear that leaving the manor…leaving home is the best option for everyone. He hasn’t felt welcome here in a long time, and Tim doesn’t know if that’s necessarily anyone’s fault, but his own. Sure, Damian is still Damian and he makes it abundantly clear that Tim is no longer needed or wanted here every time that Tim has the misfortune of running into to the demon brat, but it doesn’t change the fact that Tim’s inability to simply ignore it and deal is the real problem.

Tim’s entire life has been a series of becoming what others need him to be and letting go of the things that prevent him from becoming those things, so he doesn’t know why he can’t manage to do the same thing here. However, Tim thinks maybe it’s for the best this time. After all, he becomes what they need…and it’s clear whatever they currently need isn’t Tim anymore. At least, not any version of him that he’s willing to become.

Tim wants to blame his unwillingness on the still ever present chasm between Dick and him. After all, it was a lot easier to shove everything down and pretend everything was okay when Dick didn’t fall for it and, more importantly, wouldn’t force him to do it like everyone else. However, Tim accepted a long time ago that Dick and he would never be able to get back what they’ve lost, nor would they ever be as close as they once were, so that’s not exactly Tim’s reasoning for leaving, either.

No, in fact, Tim’s reasons for leaving, and more importantly, never returning is because spending time in the manor or, more specifically, with everyone inhabiting it at the moment does nothing but cause him pain. The person that he wants to be slips away, and suddenly, he’s left with nothing but an empty shell of someone who can’t seem to move on from all of the anger and distrust that he feels. The constant fighting doesn’t help anything either, and Tim knows that he’s just as much to blame for that as Damian is, so he honestly has no choice but to leave.

Besides, it’s clear to see that Bruce has enough former sidekicks to deal with. He doesn’t need the added stress of Tim’s problems heaped onto his shoulders as well. Tim is nothing if not resourceful. He can deal with his problems on his own, and perhaps remember what it was like not to be constantly tense and preparing for a fight in his own home. Tim sighs to himself as he gives the manor one last glance before he leaves. He tries to remind himself that it doesn’t matter that he can never go home again after this, because he’ll have a new one soon. A new home, a new name, and new life…it should feel exhilarating. Instead, it just feels empty…just as it did when he first hatched this plan. Still, it’s what he has to do. It’s what’s best for everyone…or so he keeps telling himself.

Tim’s not entirely certain if he believes that his current plan is the only option, but it’s the one that will ensure that he escapes with minimal damage and things won’t continue on the way that they have been for any of them. After all, Tim knows that he can’t be the only one fed up with the way things are. He’s just the only one willing to do something about it.

They’ll search for him, Tim knows that, but it won’t be until after they’ve heard the news, which gives Tim time. He has plans in place for all of that, but timing is everything. After all, in a matter of hours, Tim Drake will officially die, and then they’ll all be free to move on…even him. Perhaps, it’s not what any of them want…not even Tim, but it’s what they need, and there’s nothing that Tim won’t do to give them that. After all, Tim’s made a career out of being and giving what people need, and this time is no different.

The End