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Fic: Gingerbread Men

Title: Gingerbread Men
Author: Brokaw22
Disclaimer: The norms
Rating: T
Story Synopsis: Tim and Damian need to be saved from Titus.
Thanks to Kathy for beta work.

Tim has accepted that strange things happen in his life. It's sort of a common theme for him. He'd like to believe that he's prepared for any unforeseeable events. However, there are just some things that can't be planned for. This particular instance is certainly one of them. There's a lot of things that Tim has learned to deal with, but even being Batman's partner couldn't have prepared him for being transformed into a gingerbread man.

He'd like to say that at least he's not alone in this terribly inconvenient event, but seeing as how Damian is his unfortunate companion in this situation, Tim really isn't seeing an upside. The fact that right now they are both trying desperately to hide from a giant Great Dane surely isn't helping matters.

“This is all your fault, Drake.”

Tim tries to shuffle further back behind the cookie jar, and if he pushes Damian further out on the counter...well, he's sure no one can blame him. “I'm not the one who taunted that inter-dimensional wizard.”

Tim is fairly certain that Damian is glaring at him, but it doesn't translate well with icing eyebrows--which would be hilarious if there wasn't a giant dog trying to jump up onto the counter to eat them. “How was I supposed to know that he wasn't just a deranged lunatic like everyone else in this city?”

If it wasn't Damian, Tim might actually concede that he had a point. As it is, however, Tim thinks he's allowed to hold a grudge. “Yes, well, you didn't need to drag me into your insult.”

Damian scoffs and shoves in closer next to him as Titus's head gets closer to the back of the counter. “It was a reasonable assumption to make that even you wouldn't dress so absurdly. Although, given your current Red Robin garb, I can certainly see that I was mistaken.”

Tim glares and tries to remind himself that there are plenty of reasons why he can't feed Damian to Titus...not that he can actually think of any right now. “You know, Damian, there's still a hungry dog out there, and I could certainly use you as a distraction to get out of here.”

Damian scoffs and attempts to cross his arms. Unfortunately, gingerbread man arms are too short for that. “Titus wouldn't dare eat me.”

Tim rolls his eyes at Damian's haughty tone. “Which is exactly why you're hiding behind the cookie jar with me.”

“I just don't want to...”

“Give Titus a stomach ache?”

Damian glares again, at least Tim assumes it's a glare. “Shut up, Drake.”

Tim is about to retort when suddenly the cookie jar moves. He glances around the side of it to see Titus's paw hitting the cookie jar. “We've got to move. If we stay here we're going to get crushed.”

“And where do you purpose we go, Drake? There's no other cover here.”

Tim takes a quick survey of their surroundings. “Make a break for the oven. Titus knows better than to jump up there.”

Damian scoffs again. “He should know better than to jump up here.”

Tim doesn't mention that it's Damian's dog, and therefore, it's his job to teach the mutt that very lesson. Instead, he moves closer to the edge of the cookie jar. “Yeah, well, no Alfred clearly equals no fear in the beast.”

Titus's paw hits the cookie jar again, and the two of them head for the stove top. They aren't really able to run thanks to their gingerbread legs, but the two of them move as quickly as they can across the counter top. Teetering on their rounded gingerbread feet they make it to the stove with a barking dog following them. They're pressed against the very back of the oven, hoping that the threat of an angry Alfred is enough to keep the massive Great Dane away from them. All they can see is snapping teeth and thick strands of dog saliva. Tim doesn't know where else to go. This is probably the safest place in the kitchen, yet he's fairly certain that it's about to become the most dangerous--and very soon.

Damian is glancing around the entire kitchen, evidently searching for a place to scamper off to in order to hide, but before he gets a chance they hear a familiar voice yelling at Titus to get down. “What's gotten in to you, boy? You know better.” Dick is kneeling in front of the Great Dane, petting his head, when he looks up and spots the two cowering gingerbread men. “Okay, this is a new one.”

Tim side-eyes Damian, and when it becomes absolutely apparent that the younger one isn't going to say anything Tim clears his his throat and stands up straighter. “Thanks for coming to the rescue, Dick. We appreciate it.”

Dick stares at them for a good long moment. “So, which one of you wants to explain how you were cookie-fied?”

Tim glares pointedly at Damian, and then pushes him closer to Dick, who is still kneeling and holding onto Titus. “Well, there was this wizard.”

“Inter-dimensional wizard.” Tim adds helpfully.

Damian narrows his eyes before continuing. “An abhorrently sensitive inter-dimensional wizard.”

“Who you insulted.” Dick finishes for him. “So, have either of you contacted Zatanna, yet?”

Both Tim and Damian glare at him at that. “And how exactly were we supposed to do that? No one's here, and neither one of us can reach the phone. Not to mention, we were too busy running and hiding from Titus to even try getting into the cave.”

Damian's huffs out a breath at that. “Speak for yourself, Drake. I was...”

“Cowering in the corner, crying for your mother.”

“I was doing no such thing.”

“You might have slipped into Arabic, but you were still crying for your mother.”

Suddenly, Damian leaps onto Tim. “I will feed you to Titus. You repugnant...”

Before Damian can finish his insult, Dick plucks him off of Tim. “Calm down, little D. I'll call Zatanna and we'll get you two back to normal.”

Damian huffs again, and looks like he wants to fold his arms over his chest. “Take me to my room, Grayson.”

Dick smiles down at the little gingerbread man in his hand. “Sure thing, little D. Although, I don't know what you intend to do in there. Maybe I should keep an eye on you, so you don't fall off of anything and crumble.” Dick's smile suddenly turns mischievous, and Tim's sure he's not going to like whatever is about to come out of his mouth. “Or maybe I should just chase you.”

Damian's frosting brow furrows at that. “Why on earth would you chase me, Grayson? That's moronic.”

Tim would hit himself in the face right now if his arm could reach. “No, Dick, don't. Don't say it.”

Dick's grin merely widens. “I wasn't going to, Timmy.” Tim nearly sighs in relief, that is until Dick tells him, “I was going to make you say it.”

Tim tries to shake his head, but can't. “No way. There is absolutely no way I'm going to say it.”

Damian glances between the two of them with a questioning raise of his frosted brow. “What are you two idiots prattling on about?”

Dick smirks evilly. “Say it, Timmy, or else.”

Tim really wishes that he could fold his arms over his chest right now. “It's not going to happen, Dick. I don't care what you threaten me with.”

Dick's smirk only grows more wicked. “Are you sure about that?”

Tim thinks about it for a moment. He's sure that whatever Dick is planning on holding over his head can't be that bad. “I'm sure.”

Dick is practically bouncing, and Tim is honestly starting to worry. “Even if I told you that I was going to show the Titans those pictures from that time you went undercover as Jackie.”

Tim stills all over. “You promised.”

“Say it.”

Tim glares, and then sighs in resignation. “Fine.” In the flattest tone Tim can musters he says, “Run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man. Also, I'm going to kill you.”

“Aw, that's a good little gingerbread Timmy.” Dick looks absolutely elated as he gently pats Tim on the head. “Now, I'm going to go call Zatanna, and then I'm going to expand Damian's horizons by reading him the entire story.”

Damian stares at him, clearly confused. “What imbecilic thing are you droning on about?”

Dick smiles brightly at him. “Don't worry, little D. You'll love it.”

Damian scoffs. “I doubt it, Grayson.”

Dick ignores him as he walks out of the kitchen with Damian in hand. “It'll be great. You'll see.”

Tim sighs to himself. “Thanks, Dick. Don't worry, I'll figure out how to get down from here or something.” He pointedly stares down at the dog. “And you still aren't allowed to eat me.”

Titus barks as Tim calculates how much force it would take to crush his tiny little cookie body. On second thought, Tim thinks he should possibly just stay on the stove until Alfred gets home or Zatanna finds a way to reverse his current condition whichever comes first.

The End


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 6th, 2012 11:18 pm (UTC)
This was exactly what I needed to brighten my otherwise really bad day. Poor little gingerbread Timmy.

Thanks :)

Edited at 2012-06-06 11:19 pm (UTC)
Jun. 6th, 2012 11:38 pm (UTC)
Well, I'm sorry about your terrible day, but I'm glad this could make it at least slightly better.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )